Toxic People
Toxic people…..Chances are high you’ve encountered a person in your life who demonstrates toxic qualities. And, you probably still remember how they made you feel. You may have realized this friend was no good. But before we go any further, what does “toxic people” mean to you? Today, I want to help you identify and set boundaries with toxic people.
I’ve done a lot of research on Toxic People and most psychiatrist define a person with toxic qualities is anyone who is abusive, unsupportive and/or unhealthy emotionally - meaning someone who basically brings you down most of the time. Makes you feel fully dependent on them for their opinions, thoughts, and control which makes you start doubting yourself.
How do we identify a person with toxic qualities…. who are they? Well, guess what. They look like everyone else, talk like everyone else, can be in your friend group, your family, your spouse, co-worker. People with toxic qualities are professional liars, master manipulators and can be extremely charismatic.
One way to spot a person like this is paying attention to that terrible negative feeling after hanging out. Can you remember a bad feeling after being with someone? Exactly! Every time you talk to them you’re exhausted, emotionally drained and get a very negative vibe. There’s always something with this person but you just can’t figure it out.
The tricky part dealing with a toxic person is that it’s hard to distinguish between feelings of friendship and love and feelings of guilt and manipulation. They are masters at purposely confusing us to get their way. They want you to feel sorry for them, responsible for all their problems and fix them too. They make you feel like everything is your fault.
You might be asking yourself now what’s the best indicator that I’m dealing with a toxic person? As mentioned before your physical and emotional reactions to people are the best indicators. Questions to ask yourself….Are you more tense, anxious, on edge or angry after seeing or talking to that person?
Other indicator signs are: they are extremely judgmental to you, they are obsessively needy for all your time, and they never take responsibility or apologize for their actions. They may find it hard to have control over their own lives, so they exert power over others in harmful ways.
How do we get them out of our lives and not fall prey to their manipulative games? You need to set boundaries until you’re able to fully stop communicating with them. For example, when they text or call don’t call them right back. Start by waiting 30 min, then an hour and so on. Start detaching contact and only see them occasionally, but in a new emotional state! Keep your emotions out and your power and strength with you! Your are strong and can do this!
Getting a toxic person out of your life is all about setting boundaries and putting yourself first. Adding space and time between you and the toxic person will help you with your anxiety too. The best way to remove a toxic person is by implementing no contact, but that’s extremely hard. These are the first steps. If your relationship is abusive get help immediately. It’s ok to need help!
If you want to discuss this information more, please contact me through my website or email me at kerry@kerryrasenberger.com . I’m here to help you. I’m only a call away. You can do this and have the life back you deserve.
*I will be doing a Keeping it Cosher podcast about “Toxic People”. It’s a great episode and will be launched in mid-November , 2020.
